“Stupidest Castle Ever Built” Results Raise More than Eyebrows

Amid the chaff, a turd. Or so the saying doesn’t go. Today, on the hazy heaths of Northern Scotland, a less-than-remarkable competition has finally ended. The “Stupidest Castle Ever Built Contest,” an architectural tournament in which teams compete to complete the most ill-advised and aesthetically displeasing structure, announced its “winner” in a sparsely-attended ceremony. Flying buttresses in the shapes of actual butts with wings, bas reliefs depicting stand-up comedians paying utility bills online and even an entire structure in the shape of the dog who scooted during Wednesday Bible Study at Aunt Linda’s house made for stiff competition.

“It’s not just about aesthetics,” says Hans Superfoot, head architect at Castro, Freedom, Superfoot, the firm who sponsored the competition. “The structures need to be unstable and completely indefensible from a military perspective as well. Building on sand, making the doors too small for people to move freely and having really thin walls are basically just table stakes.”

Strange as it may sound, the contest isn’t an outlier in the art community. Other events that reward most awkward metaphor, the ugliest piece of art and even the worst flower have become commonplace, picking up on something in the Zeitgeist scholars are calling “Realizing everyone is full of shit and choosing to participate anyway but rewarding yourself for recognizing the problem and fixing it by trying to ironically inhabit it with your skinny little jeans, and your hair all over, and your social media handles that tell a little about your shitty story before people can actually judge you for being a complete and utter toolbox.”