BREAKING NEWS: THIS ZOO SHALL PASS

Dallas, TX. The American Zoological association will begin a very special inspection of the Dallas Zoo this week. Inspectors will be paying close attention to a new program, dubbed "Operation Reverse Manifest Destiny" the zoo has rolled out. Animals of any variety found wandering the premises are captured and added to its collection. "We got cats, seeing eye dogs, even had a turkey leg in here one time," Zoo CEO Walter Ratass boasts. When asked about accusations of animal mislabeling, he responds with a laugh and a casual glance towards a crudely improvised snare on which is carved the zoo's motto: "Why don't you come down here and say that to my face."