BREAKING NEWS: NEWPORT NEWS NOT ACTUAL CITY

Nowhere, VA. In a stunning confession which marks the end of one of America's greatest long-cons, residents of Virginia's City of Newport News held a press conference today to announce that their township in fact does not exist. The controversial revelation stunned some, but not others. Late yesterday, the National Federation of Anti-Newsers (NFAN) released an official statement saying, "Things have not existed since the dawn of time. How is this any different?" When asked for his opinion on the matter, a blind man, purported to have been born in the now non-existent place, hazarded a warning to other cities that don't exist. "Never tell them," he said, then, "What's that?